A Father to the Fatherless

As a culture a vast majority of us crave identity.    In our quest  for identity we can accomplish great tasks in our life but those accomplishments still don’t truly satisfy the deep longings in our soul. It is great to be known by relation to  who our family is,  a new last name,  a  college degree,  the ministry we head or business we own.  Yet our true identity is not in what we belong to but to “who” we belong to.  As a child, I can distinctly remember reminding myself that  I did not belong to anyone,  because I am a modern day Orphan.

The definition of an Orphan is a child whose mother and father have died or permanently abandoned them.   Well I fit those qualifications, as my mother died when I was six years old and my father permanently abandoned me before I was even born.   In my early childhood my mother remarried and welcomed my two younger sisters in to the world. She started taking us to a home church where the bible was taught, worship music sung and home- cooked meals where set out on tables for potlucks after the service. It was in the small children’s ministry at this home church, where the Spirit of the Sovereign Lord began to sing the sweet song of Salvation to me.

Surrounded by crayons and gospel coloring pages, I remember hearing the name of Jesus for the first time.  The gospel I heard produced what the bible calls a child like faith. I really liked this Jesus we were learning about.  He came to comfort my heart soon after while we sang “Amazing Grace ” and ” I have decided to follow Jesus” at my mother’s funeral service. There I sat in someone’s lap, struggling  to understand her death. The images of my mother in a coma and saying goodbye to her in the hospital  bed, where permanently burned into my mind.

After my mother’s death, I grew up with the lie planted in my heart that I had no identity. Whispers in from inside said that I had no full blood relative, no proper  place in the adoptive family I was being raised in and no true home of my own.  I felt like the little identity I had was buried with my mother.   In my teen years I would struggle with depressive thoughts and longing for love and acceptance.  Half my heart was in heaven with my mom and the other half of my aching heart here on earth. The rejection of knowing my father had never wanted anything to do with me often felt like someone was slowly slicing through my heart with a knife. The Lord knew what I was going through and he intervened.   I attended a bible teaching private school during my freshman year of high school. It was there that the Lord met me the broken girl I was. He reignited the flame he placed in my heart as a child in that home church.  I continued to learn the truth about gospel and God began to heal me slowly on the inside.

I learned that I did have a blood relative his name is Jesus, he shed his blood for the covering of my sins.

Matthew 26:28: “This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”

I did have a place in the family of God according to Romans 8:15 ” We have received God’s spirit when he adopted us  as his own children.

I did have a place- for Psalm 23:6 says “I will live in the House of the Lord Forever!”

His words of freedom where so soothing and healing, like a cup of hot tea on a cold winters day.  I realized I needed a relationship with the Living God more then I needed a relationship with my biological father.  I had the chance to met my Father once while in high school and though it was an emotional experience it was also a closure for me. I saw that he was a broken man not the possible perfect daddy I longed for and he too was in need of a savior.

Fourteen years have passed since the day I last saw my father.   Very recently God began to speak to me on forgiveness.  I had this small wall up in my heart where his Spirit wouldn’t go in  uninvited. The Lord gently reminded me that I needed to forgive my father. He has showed me the root rot in my heart of the unforgiveness and feelings of rejection I thought I  had let go years ago.  I could not move forward in my true identity as a freed, forgiven woman of God without releasing those feelings. So one day I humbly got before the Lord and let them go… every one of the lies and the anger, frustration, feelings of abandonment and rejection. I handed them over in prayer to Christ. Like a master gardener he got right to work. He started at the roots of my heart pulling  out the weeds of the lies that where choking the truth of who I was. Slowly the truth began to grow internally, and like a nurtured  plant, my frame became stronger and the colors bloomed in me again.   He revealed himself in a special way, showing me that He indeed is my heavenly Father, and I am his blood bought daughter. I didn’t have to work to be worthy of his love… for he reconciled me to himself the day he went to the cross on my behalf.

Will you let the Lord’s words wash over you today:

My heart has heard you say, ” Come and talk with me”

and my heart responds, ” Lord, I am coming.”

Don’t leave me now, do not abandon me,

O God of my salvation!

Even if my father and mother abandon me,

the LORD will hold me close.

Psalm 27:8,9-10

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Kickoff Day!

When you hear “Kickoff Day” you may tend to think of a game involving an odd-shaped brown leather ball, a fall weekend surrounded with friends and eating some really good food.

My Kick off day is a little bit different. Today I am lunching my blog. I have spent the last few hours studying and soaking up my Lord’s words, delighting in my spiritual food.    Along with my physical food, two cups of hot comforting coffee with a couple sweet cookies dunked in for good measure.

It has been a dream of mine for many years, to share my story of what God has done in my life. Last fall the Lord embarked on a journey with me to reveal my deepest need. To fully understand and truly accept his great love for me and strengthen the one relationship that is most important. Our Father – Daughter relationship. Yes I’ve been saved for over half of my life on this earth. Yet there was still a small block wall way down deep covering a portion of my heart. Some big hurts had stayed in the core of my heart  so deep inside and so rooted, I could barely sense their existence. My Lord saw them clear as a day, my Abba, the gentleman that he is, started to do some gardening in my heart and exposed the root rot that was there.

Among some other pains, the largest issue was unforgiveness toward my biological Father, who had abandoned my mother and I, while she was still pregnant with me. I will be posting about that story, how God’s love and his spiritual adoption of me – transformed those feelings of rejection into forgiveness,  next week so please stay tuned.

I am excited to share my new blog, daughter reconciled, with all of you.

This blog is mostly dedicated to share stories of God’s transforming power of Love, Forgiveness, Redemption and Healing. I am humbled to share of how God reconciled me – a lost orphaned daughter to himself, in hopes that you too sweet sisters, will allow God deep in your hearts to begin the work of reconciliation of your hearts to His.

” Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The Old is gone, the new has here! All this is from God, who reconciled himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: That God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”     2 Corinthians 5:17-19 NIV